Chapter 3: Absurd
Above the Celestial Screen.
The footage advanced.
【Comprehensive Assessment: The Founding of Western Jin.】
【Unification by snatching peaches, holding it together by slacking off.】
【A peaceful reign as brief as a flash in the pan, disasters as deep and far as flooding rivers.】
【Rebellion of the Eight Princes, Five Barbarians throwing China into chaos, Disaster of Yongjia, the nobles fleeing south.】
【He unified Huaxia with his own hands, then pushed Huaxia into the abyss with those same hands.】
【Overall gold content of the founding: trash.】
【Absolute trash.】
Three massive characters, glaring blood-red.
【Trash.】
Bullet comments surged.
【Absolute trash, truly absolute trash.】
【Western Jin at the bottom is well-deserved.】
【Sima Yan, don't I get any face?】
【Face your ass! Go down and talk to the dead commoners!】
Eastern Han.
Cao Cao sneered.
"Good. The Sima family still needs killing."
Great Qin.
Ying Zheng was cold.
"What a 'trash'."
"This Emperor finds this Celestial Screen's words vulgar, yet extremely precise."
"Unified and still trash—this proves unification isn't the end goal. Holding it is what matters."
"Great Qin's work has only just begun."
Great Ming.
Zhu Yuanzhang laughed loudly.
"Absolute trash."
"Excellent, I like that word."
"Even better than my cursing back in the day."
Empress Ma shook her head helplessly.
Great Song.
Zhao Kuangyin spoke heavily.
"A trash founding level is the most fatal thing."
"Taking the world is hard, keeping it is harder."
"Sima Yan didn't understand this principle."
"Purely messing around."
Great Qing.
Kangxi snorted coldly.
"This Celestial Screen's language is simply crude."
"But This Emperor must admit, for Sima Yan, it fits perfectly."
"And our Great Qing will never have a trash emperor!"
Modern era timeline.
Mr. Sun spoke calmly.
The soldiers deeply agreed.
Japanese invaders' timeline.
A devil commander laughed loudly.
"The Central Plains dynasties are absolute trash."
"Our great Nihon will surely replace them."
Western Jin.
Luoyang.
Inside Taiji Hall.
Dead silence.
Sima Yan's face was pale white.
He slumped on the Dragon Throne.
"People of later generations are actually this harsh."
His trembling finger pointed at the Celestial Screen.
"This Emperor unified the Three Kingdoms and ended the chaotic era."
"This Emperor's Taikang Reign brought peace to the world."
"On what grounds do they say This Emperor is absolute trash?"
None of the ministers beside him dared answer.
Crown Prince Sima Zhong stood in the hall, looking completely blank.
He looked at the Celestial Screen, then at his Imperial Father.
"Imperial Father, what is 'trash'?"
"Does 'trash' mean going to the latrine?"
The court officials lowered their heads, not daring to make a sound.
Sima Yan looked at this idiot son, despair surging in his heart.
"My son."
"My empire."
"Is it really going to be ruined in your hands?"
"Could it be... This Emperor truly made a mistake?"
Yang Jun knelt on the ground.
"Your Majesty, the Celestial Screen's words cannot be fully believed."
Sima Yan smiled bitterly.
"Cannot be fully believed."
"But every single word is historical fact."
"This Emperor enfeoffed the princes, This Emperor set up an idiot Crown Prince, This Emperor kept over ten thousand women in the harem."
"These were all things This Emperor did."
"This Emperor has nothing to say."
An old minister stepped out, his voice trembling.
"Your Majesty, the urgent matter now is to change the Crown Prince."
"Otherwise, the Rebellion of the Eight Princes and the Five Barbarians throwing China into chaos might become reality."
Sima Yan snapped his head up.
"Change the Crown Prince."
"The Empress's dying words are still fresh."
"How... how can This Emperor change it?"
The old minister wept bitterly.
"Your Majesty, for the sake of the state, for the sake of the common people of the world."
"I beg Your Majesty to think thrice."
Sima Yan closed his eyes.
Tears slid down.
"Let This Emperor think."
"Let This Emperor think carefully."
Emperor Hui of Jin's timeline.
Jia Nanfeng stood behind Sima Zhong, her gaze vicious.
She looked up at the sky, the corner of her mouth twitching slightly.
"The Celestial Screen points fingers."
"Daring to humiliate my Jia family like this."
"Just you wait. Once this Palace holds power, I'll let everyone in the world know who the true master of Western Jin is. Anyone who dares speak nonsense will die without a doubt!"
"As for commoners displaced or Huaxia sinking, what the hell does that have to do with this Palace! What this Palace does has no problems whatsoever!"
Above the Celestial Screen.
It suddenly changed again.
All timelines across the heavens were stirred.
【The Celestial Screen senses.】
【The Sima clan stole the nation over three generations, losing virtue for an entire era.】
【Today, for the common people of Huaxia, the legitimacy blessing of the Sima clan is stripped away.】
【To anyone capable of overthrowing a rotten dynasty and saving Huaxia from peril, the Celestial Screen grants a Leader buff.】
【Leader buff: When one's army fights against a rotten dynasty or foreign races, morale greatly increases, combat power rises, and physiques strengthen.】
【At the same time, one maintains their original heart, their spirit unpolluted by slaughter, desire, or other evil thoughts.】
【May those with ambition step forward and save Huaxia through the ages from fire and water.】
As the words fell.
A beam of golden light descended from the sky.
But it didn't land in Luoyang of Western Jin.
Instead, it fell somewhere in Jiangnan.
And at the same time.
The video's bullet comments exploded.
【???】
【Bro, you even added special effects?】
【Holy crap, dude makes a ranking video and really thinks he's the Celestial Screen?】
【Hahaha, OP is kinda interesting, but this reward is given out pretty nicely too!】
【If it could really change the darkness of the Five Barbarians era, that'd be great.】
【For real, even if it's just imagination, it feels awesome.】
【Speaking of which, who do you guys think is the best fit for this Leader buff?】
【If you ask me, definitely Emperor Wu of Song, Liu Yu!】
【True, Liu Song wasn't a unified dynasty, but Liu Yu was seriously fierce. He ended the Five Barbarians era and started the Northern and Southern Dynasties.】
【But Liu Yu is from the Eastern Jin period, a bit far from Western Jin's darkness. Who could get it in Western Jin?】
Right now.
Across the various timelines.
The Celestial Screen continued advancing its images.
【This reward is not assigned to a specific person.】
【I hope all ambitious souls will actively raise the banner.】
【Anyone who succeeds can claim the reward, no matter who, no matter the era.】
【However.】
【In the Eastern Jin period.】
【Priority goes to Emperor Wu of Song, Liu Yu.】
【The Liu Song regime, not being a unified dynasty, is not included in the founding rankings.】
【But Liu Yu himself has an extremely high founding gold content.】
【He fought his way out of a chaotic era, born of a poor family, fighting a hundred battles in his life.】
【Destroyed Southern Yan, broke Later Qin, recovered Chang'an and Luoyang.】
【Implemented Tu Duan, suppressed powerful clans, promoted commoners, lightened corvée and taxes.】
【Cleaned up officialdom, valued education, protected Han culture.】
【He ended aristocratic rule and laid the foundation for commoners holding key power in the Southern Dynasties.】
【When it comes to saving Huaxia from peril, he is more qualified than the Sui Dynasty.】
【Now granting Liu Yu the Leader buff.】
【Permitting him to replace the Sima clan's legitimacy and protect our Huaxia civilization.】
The image unfolded.
Liu Yu wore battle armor, holding a long blade.
He raised troops from Jingkou, sweeping all before him along the way.
The Beifu Army's war banners fluttered, sons of poor families charging bravely to the front.
Bullet comments flooded the screen.
【Ayy, it really is Liu Jinu!】
【Liu Yu absolutely deserves it!】
【Golden spears and iron horses! Swallowing thousands of miles like a tiger!】
【Liu Yu: Thanks for the buff, Celestial Screen, watch how I cook the Sima family this time!】
【Sima family: Are you polite?】
【Liu Yu: Polite your mom! Die for me!】