Chapter 1: Her Name Is Chi Mo, Guan Yizhou's Girlfriend
【Trigger warnings, please read them all, I’m begging you: babies, this is a BL novel with two male leads! Don’t wander into the wrong room!
Highlighted warning: the bottom is strong, but he’s NOT a tough bottom!! He’s the type who crushes everyone in power but is a total crybaby (a passive crybaby, he doesn’t want to cry himself). There’s a reason for this setting, so it can’t be removed! Babies who can’t handle it, dodge accordingly! Don’t flame Puppy Yan! Please!
Not a serious drama! Lighthearted! Won’t be super scary!
Alternate universe setting~ Logic serves the plot! Logic serves the plot! Not suitable for overthinking! Not suitable for overthinking!
Warning again, please finish reading: it’s an AU setting, babies! The metaphysics stuff is from my own knowledge + Baidu searches. If you’re an expert, just treat it as fiction! My headcanons are piled up like mountains! In real life, babies, please believe in science!】
“This is the final night of season two of *Goodbye, My Love*. Tomorrow is when you all choose whether or not to divorce your partners.”
“Actually, conflicts in a marriage are completely normal. What matters is whether we can tolerate each other, right?”
Halfway through his sentence, the guest saw Lu Yiyan frown.
The young man across from him was staring blankly at his own fingers, lips pressed tight, face terribly pale.
The guest paused for half a second and looked at Lu Yiyan. “What’s wrong, Xiao Yan?”
Lu Yiyan blinked, then touched his own face.
Didn’t... didn’t I get into a car crash?
I—I’m not dead?
In an instant, the original owner’s memories poured into his brain, and only then did Lu Yiyan realize he had transmigrated into a supernatural novel.
This book was written by Lu Yiyan’s younger sister.
To support his little sister, Lu Yiyan had skimmed through it.
He never expected his own flesh-and-blood sister to actually write Lu Yiyan into it.
And write him as an idiot cannon fodder.
The Lu Yiyan in the book was a little crybaby—clumsy with words and terrified of ghosts. Even though he had great talent for metaphysics, his intellectual disability made it hard for him to achieve anything.
Not only that, Lu Yiyan was also crazy about the main character top, Si Lin. He’d openly crushed on him since childhood, trailing behind him calling out “Brother Lin” every other word—the ultimate little simp.
As for the main character bottom of this story, that was the original owner’s older brother, Lu Yihang—a cold, venomous beauty.
At first, the main character bottom didn’t want to harm the original owner. But the original owner kept trying to steal the main character top. Eventually, the bottom ran out of patience, hired someone to cast a spell to kill the original owner, and dumped his corpse in the wilderness.
“Why do you look so awful?” the guest asked. “Do you think what I said was wrong?”
The camera cut to Lu Yiyan, and the bullet comments instantly changed their tune, spamming the screen:
【I don’t even know why they keep bringing up this Lu Yiyan. Just looking at him annoys me!】
【A divorce variety show, and they invite some rich kid in his twenties who’s never even dated to sit here as a guest every day. Hilarious.】
【The Lu family has money, so they shoved a useless son onto the show to force-hype him.】
【I used to think Lu Yiyan was good-looking, but he’s been here for eight episodes and never talks. Gets mad and cries at the drop of a hat. So stupid!!】
【The entertainment industry really has become a trash can. Anything can get in.】
Lu Yiyan really had been shoved into the entertainment industry by the Lu family.
But the goal wasn’t to hype him up. It was to humiliate him.
Lu Yiyan was an illegitimate child. His mother was a third-rate actress in the entertainment circle.
Old Master Lu looked down on Lu Yiyan, saying the child of an actor should also be an actor. So he threw him into the entertainment industry.
Lu Yiyan himself was a Heavenly Master, so transmigrating into this book counted as working in his field.
Whatever... since I’m already here...
As for how to go back, he’d just have to cross that bridge when he came to it.
Lu Yiyan sighed and raised his head. “No, there are other problems in marriage too.”
He thought for a moment, then spoke. “Altering fate charts—have any of you heard of it?”
The guest in front of him: “?”
Lu Yiyan blinked his big eyes.
Guest: “......”
The moment those words left his mouth, everything went quiet.
【What the hell?】
【?? He’d be better off mute.】
None of the guests knew how to respond, opening and closing their mouths without speaking.
It was Empress Lin Yi who saw the scene was way too awkward and took the initiative to pick up the topic. “Fate charts can be altered? I had no idea.”
Lu Yiyan nodded.
He lifted his eyes, paused for a second when he saw Lin Yi, and then asked very sincerely, “Didn’t yours get altered?”
Lin Yi’s expression changed instantly.
She stared at Lu Yiyan, as if she’d been frozen in place.
Finally, she forced out two dry laughs and warned him, “Don’t talk nonsense. We’re live right now.”
Lu Yiyan shook his head. “I’m not talking nonsense.”
“Your Tianzhai Palace is narrow, meaning a weak foundation. Your philtrum is shallow, short, and narrow, making it hard to stand out in your career.”
“Your eyebrows are scattered, which means twice the effort for half the result—a face where hard work rarely pays off.” Lu Yiyan’s gaze moved downward as he continued, “Low nasal bridge, thin nose tip that can’t gather wealth, a mole on the nostril that scatters wealth, black moles on both your chin and between your brows. Those are evil moles. A typical face of poor fortune and mediocrity.”
【I’m dying of laughter. Mediocre? My Sister Lin swept all the awards three years after her debut. Please, let me be that mediocre!】
【My Sister Lin’s are called wild brows. What the fuck does he know?】
【What’s he babbling about? Hurry up and go back to being mute!】
【Stupid Lu Yiyan, can you just go die?! Try slandering my wife one more time!!】
The corner of Lin Yi’s mouth trembled slightly. Her hands under the table clenched into fists, like she was trying her hardest to restrain herself.
Finally, she nudged the man beside her with her elbow.
The man next to her caught the signal and immediately slammed the table, shooting to his feet. “How are you talking!?”
“Just opening your mouth to slander people?”
The man looked at the camera. “Director, can just anyone get on this show!?”
【Teacher Gu fiercely protecting his wife!!】
【Teacher Gu finally grew a spine. All those years of eating soft rice weren’t wasted!】
【Soft-rice-eating guy who acts tough, I won’t curse you out today.】
【Can you guys stop changing your tune so fast? Lu Yiyan deserves a slap, but Teacher Soft-Rice deserves ten!】
Lu Yiyan jumped at the shout.
He frowned, his nose stinging a bit, and his eyes instantly turned red.
【? What, getting ready to cry again?】
【Oh god, crying, crying, crying. Looking at him pisses me off!】
The original owner was a crybaby who shed tears at the slightest thing.
Lu Yiyan really didn’t want to cry at all, but he couldn’t control it. Two pools of tears were already spinning in his eye sockets.
First, he stubbornly sniffled. Then he looked up at the man, suddenly realizing something. “So she altered your fate.”
Lin Yi’s husband, Teacher Gu, frowned. “What the fuck are you spouting now?”
“If you want to leech off us, find a better excuse!”
“Do you know how many haters will latch onto what you just said?” Teacher Gu pointed at Lu Yiyan. “Apologize to my wife right now!”
Teacher Gu had a hot temper and spoke fast, standing in front of Lu Yiyan looking like he was about to throw hands.
Lu Yiyan blinked a few times and sniffled hard.
【So annoying! Are you a fucking little girl?!】
【Holy shit, I’m done!】
【Crying, crying, crying, eight hundred times a day! He slanders people and then he’s the first one to cry!】
It wasn’t just the bullet comments. The other guests were annoyed too.
After so many episodes on the show, Lu Yiyan cried at the drop of a hat. For the sake of the program, they always had to coax him. It was genuinely irritating.
Just as everyone was secretly rolling their eyes, unable to hold back anymore, Lu Yiyan pressed his lips together and forcibly choked the tears back down.
He rubbed his eyes and asked, “Haven’t you noticed your marriage is strange?”
“You originally liked men, right?” Lu Yiyan rubbed his eyes again, his voice thick with nasality. “You liked Empress Lin Yi’s older brother, didn’t you?”
Teacher Gu frowned.
That was ancient history. How could Lu Yiyan know?
“You had a secret crush on Empress Lin Yi’s brother for ten years. How could you just stop liking him overnight?”
Teacher Gu stared at Lu Yiyan as old memories came rushing back.
Lu Yiyan was right.
He used to be gay, and he really did have a secret crush on Lin Yi’s brother.
During Teacher Gu’s most painful years, it was entirely because Lin Yi’s brother stayed by his side that he gritted his teeth and made it through.
Even now, whenever he thought of Lin Yi’s brother, his heart would still ache involuntarily.
Yeah, someone you loved that much—how could you stop loving them in an instant?
Teacher Gu couldn’t figure it out himself.
He clearly loved Lin Yi’s brother so much, but... but when the fire broke out and he had to choose one of the two, he’d somehow, inexplicably, saved Lin Yi.
“Mr. Gu.”
Lu Yiyan called out to him. Teacher Gu raised his eyes. Under the moonlight, their gazes met.
Then he heard Lu Yiyan ask, “Have you ever heard of planting a love gu?”